I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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