Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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