bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
