Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
