Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
no, he came in my armpit
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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