i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
