would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
