What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
