The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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