He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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