If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
