And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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