Whod you bang
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
