I am puke
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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