remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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