What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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