I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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