dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
