Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
