it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
