I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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