Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
