butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
