I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I lost the right to judge tonight
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
