Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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