some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
