We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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