Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So many bounce houses so little time
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
