We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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