sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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