Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
