dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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