What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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