me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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