I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
