so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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