Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
