i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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