News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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