My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Four minutes until I can fart!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
