watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
