I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
