My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
