Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
