I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
