dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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