respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
