I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
