she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
