cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
