I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
