Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
a search helicopter?!
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
