used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
